Helpless
by JereduLevenin
Summary: First ffvii fic ever... because my Zackmuse finally came up with something postworthy.This is Cloud's reflections on the time he and Zack spent on the run, trying to excape. PG for violence and mild language. Oneshot. ZC, only if you squint HARD.


ARRRRRGH!!!! My Zack-muse WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! I didn't even know I HAD a Zack-muse, but he's yammering away right now and won't shut up until I write this... My Zack-muse is even more stubborn and annoying than I am, so I'm sure you can imagine... Anywho, this is from Cloud's POV. It's Zack and Cloud's race to freedom... so it's obviously gonna be sad... This is my first attempt at a FFVII fic- even if it's just a one-shot, so please humor me and read it. I've never done this before. Hell, I've never written anything shorter than a will-be-epic.

Oh, implied Zack/Cloud, if you squint.

And EXTREME angst, 'cause that's just how it WAS.

Anywho- standard disclaimer stuff:

Rating: PG.

Warnings: Shounen-ai-ness, but only if you squint. Mild language, violence, gore. Nothing that didn't happen in the game.

Pairing: Zack/Cloud, but only if you squint. REALLY HARD.

I do not own these characters, Final Fantasy VII, or anything but the order in which these words are arranged.

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Sometimes, all I can remember is your face. The way you'd smile, encouraging me, trying to get a response out of me. The way you'd try to hide your sadness, as you searched my face for any sign of comprehension... recognition... Anything other than a dull, lifeless stare. Anything other than the prison of my mind.

Oh, I remember the time we spent in the bowels of our own private Hell, desperately trying to hold onto ourselves. We would scratch messages to each other in the glass walls... planning to escape. I tried to hang on, but I wasn't as strong as you. Not then. Now? I'll never find out, I guess... But by the time our godsent chance came, I was already lost to the green haze. You pulled me out of that damned mansion... It must have driven you mad, too... because I don't see how you could ever hope that we might escape. Not if you were still sane.

Why, Zack? Why did you care, when I couldn't be bothered to? What made me so damned special in your eyes? Another question I'll never be able to answer.

Sometimes, all I remember is the green haze. The Mako churning sluggishly around me as it tried to rip my mind away. The faces of the lab assistants, staring at me through the walls of my glass prison. Sometimes, they would pull me out of that tank, and then all I can remember is pain. Every time... every time I would hope. I would hope that they would push the experimentation too far, and I would be free. Free to join the Lifestream. Free to be with my mother... my family. Everyone who died, thanks to HIM. Sometimes, I would look over and see you, trapped in your own glass-and-green prison, or strapped to the table beside me, and I knew: He'll understand. You were the only one who did... who ever would.

Sometimes, all I remember is your voice. The way you would laugh, so full of life. Maybe... maybe that's what hurt most... to see you lying in the dust on the cliff face, and the laughter was gone from your eyes. And it never came back. Not even when I was you. The laughter never came back. But you didn't just laugh- I can still hear your voice, you know.

"We're friends, right?" you had asked. And I was helpless to respond. And yet, you knew. You knew that I was saying yes. You didn't need to hear my voice to understand- you never listened to my voice, anyway. You listended to my heart, and you knew, without a doubt, what my answer was. Yes, Zack. We're friends. We always will be. I carried you with me for so long- even when I lost myself, I still had you. I still do, deep down. You never really left, even after I found myself again, after being hurled into the Lifestream itself.

We were gonna face the world together, Zack. It was going to be you and me. Me and you. Cloud and Zack. Zack and Cloud. You said you would take care of me... and I guess you did, in a way. But... you still left, in the end. You left me alone when I needed you the most.

"I will NEVER leave you behind."

A promise.

But you left. You left me, on that cliff. We were so close, Zack. Ten more minutes, and we would have made it, and you'd still be here, and I wouldn't be saying all of this, 'cause you'd BE here, laughing with me.

Sometimes, all I can remember is the blood. Your voice, ripped from your throat, drowned out by the thunder of the gunshots.

And then all I could hear was the THUD as your body hit the ground.

"Cloud, RUN!!!!"

But I couldn't run. I was helpless... helpless to fight. Helpless to scream. Helpless to cry. Helpless to do anything but lie there like so much dead weight.

And then all I could see was the bullet holes ripped through your chest, gaping exit wounds. Even a SOLDIER 1st Class can't survive that, Zack. Especially not when they walked up to your body, lying prone in an alarmingly wide pool of your own blood, and then shot you again, point-blank. They fired again and again... I remember the way your body jerked with the force of the bullets, lying on the ground, helpless as I was. It wasn't enough for them; they couldn't just leave you alone. No, they had to walk over to your body and shoot it full of lead, just to be sure you wouldn't get up. And you never did get up.

And I couldn't even cry... not until hours after the ShinRa men left. How could they just leave you there? So I took your sword, and I made a promise, to both of us.

I'll live out both our lives.

And here I am, another year gone by. Wherever you are, I bet you're laughing your ass of right now, yelling at me to quit moping. If I know Aeris, she'd be with you, laughing with you. She always looked out for everyone. Why should that be any different after her death?

... I guess... what I'm trying to say is...

I miss you.

Owari.

Tear-jerker? No? I wouldn't know- I can't seem to get choked up over my own writing, but I would appreciate feedback!


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